Another Day...

Haven't posted in couple of days...haven't had anything nice to say.  Im in a rut, a state of regret.  I wish I had not done this surgery.  There, I said it.  I regret it.  I know this is a part of the process and in 2 weeks I will feel completely different but today, right now.....I regret it.  I cant find my footing.  It is hard for me to look ahead when I am so unhappy with today.  I still have 2 weeks left on my liquid diet and I just cant imagine that.  I feel bitter.  I know one day I will eat again, but today I wont.  Today I will blend the hell out of some type of food or soup and water it down until it is unrecognizable and tastes like puke...tomorrow I will do the same thing...and the day after.  Very difficult.  I only write this in case some of you are thinking about this surgery....this is what you have to think about.  Making it through 3 weeks of hell.  I guess this is the price I have to pay for abusing food for so many years...and my anger at this situation proves how strong my addiction is.  I only carry on because there is not another option.  If I could have my stomach reattached I would have 5 days ago.  THAT is exactly why I chose this surgery.  It is completely irreversible and permanent.  You are forced to deal with it.  That's the only way I can be successful, by force.  So I go on another day.....sipping away.....being consumed by thoughts of foods I cannot eat....


Guess I just have to remind myself WHY I DID THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

A Friendly Reminder

Today I had a bit of a reality shock.  When I started this process, I made friends who have had this surgery, I followed blogs, I watched ninety-hundred youtube videos...I did it all.  Soooo with that, I learned that many people were given diets different than mine.  They are able to go back to regular food just after 2 weeks....able to start eating mushies 5 days post op.  My Doctor and nutritionist plan is way different.  Since I am so hungry and having trouble getting used to the nastiness of protein shakes, I call my Doctor to see "how far I can push it."  She scared the beeeejeeezuz out of me!!!!  She was clear about the fact that if I eat anything more thick than tomato soup for the 1st 4 weeks I am putting myself at risk for a leak - possible death - having to be fed with a NG tube until my stomach heals.  ALL NO BUENO!  So, back to reality.....back to the liquids and patience.  God help me!

On a positive note...15 pounds gone forever!  I could not be happier!!!!!!

Until next time.....

Liquid Diet

So many people have reached out to me and asked "What are you allowed to eat?"  Here is a run down of what I can eat this week...Week 1


Water....a must to keep hydrated (although it is rough on my stomach, especially if it is cold)
You are supposed to "sip" all day.....


Chicken broth - good for when you feel you need something savory. 


Tomato Soup - my current obsession...I imagine it is a pizza (ha!)


Crystal Light (any flavor) - You can have as much as you want...great if you don't care for water.


Diet Snapple, No Sugar Added fruit juice, diet tang


Protein Shake - essential for protein!  You are supposed to drink 60-80 grams a day (almost impossible)....there are many varieties, muscle milk is the least disgusting in my opinion. 


G2 Gatorade - this is the low sugar Gatorade, great for dehydration because it contains electrolytes.


Very difficult, I wont lie....I constantly feel head hunger but it is a learned behavior I have to break.  I can honestly say I feel great!  The hardest part of the day is when my family cooks dinner...oh the smells!!!!  The Doctor warned me that this would be a head game....and it is!  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!


Until next time....
xoxo

Struggles....

Today has been the hardest by far.  Today is when I realized how difficult of a challenge this is really going to be for me.  I knew going in that there would be days that I had regret, resentment and a mix of emotions....today was the first of those days.  I know this will pass, I know!  Today was the first day I went to the grocery store....big mistake!  I just was not ready.  This addiction has had a strong hold on my life for many years....just like a recovering alcoholic going into a bar I wanted to grab everything off the shelf and shove it in my mouth!  I started sweating, feeling faint....and frankly ANGRY!  I am so hungry!  I want to eat!  I am sick of drinking all day and not having food in my mouth.   I know this is a process, I know this is a challenge and a HEAD GAME,  Today, I did not do so well.....tomorrow will be better.  I am going back to work tomorrow so that will be exciting!  I will be glad to get out of the house, get back to my new normal. 


So far I have lost 12 pounds, so yay!


Until next time....

Lots of changes...

Today is 4 days post op and these last 2 days have brought on lots of changes!  Today my scars have really stared itching and that means it is healing...so happy about that!  Also, I have been hot, sweaty almost all day (not sure why).  Yesterday, I really started to deflate from all the gas they pumped into my stomach, having gas all day is pretty unpleasant but I feel soooo much better now that it is out.  I have been resting a lot so that could contribute to my legs and feet not being swollen but they look so much thinner already.  I can tell my weight has started to come off in my face which I am NOT going to complain about, I am ready to be rid of my double chin!


I am down 10 pounds today and so thrilled!!  This is the best decision I have ever made.


Lets not overlook the cons of this situation.....definitely fighting head hunger, definitely having to remind myself that I cannot eat whatever I want...that I have to sip and not gulp, that I have to take small bites.  It definitely takes me a lot longer to eat now and to drink.  I used to drink a bottle of water in 5-10 minutes and now it takes me almost all day.  This will get better, I know.....patience has never been my strong suit BUT I will overcome this...I WILL WIN!


Until next time...xoxo

Three days and counting....

Well, today is my 3rd day post op and I have a lot of mixed feelings.  I woke up today feeling a LOT less sore than I have been, but I am also experiencing ravenous head hunger.  I could just start shoving food in m y mouth!  However, after eating only 2 teaspoons of liquid I am stuffed.  Very strange.  I guess this is where the head game begins.....I have known it was coming I just thought I would have a few more days before I had to face it but I guess not.  On a good note, I am down 7.1 pounds today!!!!


Looking forward to what the next few days bring and hoping the weight keeps falling off!!!


Until next time, xoxo

Two days post op

Hey there!


I am finally home!  Sorry it has been a while since I posted - I have spent the last 2 days in and out of it.  I had some awesome pain meds but they also kept me sleepy.  Today I am determined to stay awake, ween myself off all the meds and get moving so this soreness goes away.


The surgery was not really what I expected it to be.  When I woke up, I was not in terrible pain other than my chest and shoulders being full of gas.  My mouth was painfully dry and I was shocked to find that I could not drink for 24 hours!!!!  The day after surgery I had an upper GI to find out if I had any leaks and I DONT!!!!  Yay!  So finally got to drink. 


STATS for today - DOWN 3.5 pounds!!!  Wooooohoooo!!!


Until next time...xoxo