Another Day...

Haven't posted in couple of days...haven't had anything nice to say.  Im in a rut, a state of regret.  I wish I had not done this surgery.  There, I said it.  I regret it.  I know this is a part of the process and in 2 weeks I will feel completely different but today, right now.....I regret it.  I cant find my footing.  It is hard for me to look ahead when I am so unhappy with today.  I still have 2 weeks left on my liquid diet and I just cant imagine that.  I feel bitter.  I know one day I will eat again, but today I wont.  Today I will blend the hell out of some type of food or soup and water it down until it is unrecognizable and tastes like puke...tomorrow I will do the same thing...and the day after.  Very difficult.  I only write this in case some of you are thinking about this surgery....this is what you have to think about.  Making it through 3 weeks of hell.  I guess this is the price I have to pay for abusing food for so many years...and my anger at this situation proves how strong my addiction is.  I only carry on because there is not another option.  If I could have my stomach reattached I would have 5 days ago.  THAT is exactly why I chose this surgery.  It is completely irreversible and permanent.  You are forced to deal with it.  That's the only way I can be successful, by force.  So I go on another day.....sipping away.....being consumed by thoughts of foods I cannot eat....


Guess I just have to remind myself WHY I DID THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!

A Friendly Reminder

Today I had a bit of a reality shock.  When I started this process, I made friends who have had this surgery, I followed blogs, I watched ninety-hundred youtube videos...I did it all.  Soooo with that, I learned that many people were given diets different than mine.  They are able to go back to regular food just after 2 weeks....able to start eating mushies 5 days post op.  My Doctor and nutritionist plan is way different.  Since I am so hungry and having trouble getting used to the nastiness of protein shakes, I call my Doctor to see "how far I can push it."  She scared the beeeejeeezuz out of me!!!!  She was clear about the fact that if I eat anything more thick than tomato soup for the 1st 4 weeks I am putting myself at risk for a leak - possible death - having to be fed with a NG tube until my stomach heals.  ALL NO BUENO!  So, back to reality.....back to the liquids and patience.  God help me!

On a positive note...15 pounds gone forever!  I could not be happier!!!!!!

Until next time.....

Liquid Diet

So many people have reached out to me and asked "What are you allowed to eat?"  Here is a run down of what I can eat this week...Week 1


Water....a must to keep hydrated (although it is rough on my stomach, especially if it is cold)
You are supposed to "sip" all day.....


Chicken broth - good for when you feel you need something savory. 


Tomato Soup - my current obsession...I imagine it is a pizza (ha!)


Crystal Light (any flavor) - You can have as much as you want...great if you don't care for water.


Diet Snapple, No Sugar Added fruit juice, diet tang


Protein Shake - essential for protein!  You are supposed to drink 60-80 grams a day (almost impossible)....there are many varieties, muscle milk is the least disgusting in my opinion. 


G2 Gatorade - this is the low sugar Gatorade, great for dehydration because it contains electrolytes.


Very difficult, I wont lie....I constantly feel head hunger but it is a learned behavior I have to break.  I can honestly say I feel great!  The hardest part of the day is when my family cooks dinner...oh the smells!!!!  The Doctor warned me that this would be a head game....and it is!  CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!


Until next time....
xoxo

Struggles....

Today has been the hardest by far.  Today is when I realized how difficult of a challenge this is really going to be for me.  I knew going in that there would be days that I had regret, resentment and a mix of emotions....today was the first of those days.  I know this will pass, I know!  Today was the first day I went to the grocery store....big mistake!  I just was not ready.  This addiction has had a strong hold on my life for many years....just like a recovering alcoholic going into a bar I wanted to grab everything off the shelf and shove it in my mouth!  I started sweating, feeling faint....and frankly ANGRY!  I am so hungry!  I want to eat!  I am sick of drinking all day and not having food in my mouth.   I know this is a process, I know this is a challenge and a HEAD GAME,  Today, I did not do so well.....tomorrow will be better.  I am going back to work tomorrow so that will be exciting!  I will be glad to get out of the house, get back to my new normal. 


So far I have lost 12 pounds, so yay!


Until next time....

Lots of changes...

Today is 4 days post op and these last 2 days have brought on lots of changes!  Today my scars have really stared itching and that means it is healing...so happy about that!  Also, I have been hot, sweaty almost all day (not sure why).  Yesterday, I really started to deflate from all the gas they pumped into my stomach, having gas all day is pretty unpleasant but I feel soooo much better now that it is out.  I have been resting a lot so that could contribute to my legs and feet not being swollen but they look so much thinner already.  I can tell my weight has started to come off in my face which I am NOT going to complain about, I am ready to be rid of my double chin!


I am down 10 pounds today and so thrilled!!  This is the best decision I have ever made.


Lets not overlook the cons of this situation.....definitely fighting head hunger, definitely having to remind myself that I cannot eat whatever I want...that I have to sip and not gulp, that I have to take small bites.  It definitely takes me a lot longer to eat now and to drink.  I used to drink a bottle of water in 5-10 minutes and now it takes me almost all day.  This will get better, I know.....patience has never been my strong suit BUT I will overcome this...I WILL WIN!


Until next time...xoxo

Three days and counting....

Well, today is my 3rd day post op and I have a lot of mixed feelings.  I woke up today feeling a LOT less sore than I have been, but I am also experiencing ravenous head hunger.  I could just start shoving food in m y mouth!  However, after eating only 2 teaspoons of liquid I am stuffed.  Very strange.  I guess this is where the head game begins.....I have known it was coming I just thought I would have a few more days before I had to face it but I guess not.  On a good note, I am down 7.1 pounds today!!!!


Looking forward to what the next few days bring and hoping the weight keeps falling off!!!


Until next time, xoxo

Two days post op

Hey there!


I am finally home!  Sorry it has been a while since I posted - I have spent the last 2 days in and out of it.  I had some awesome pain meds but they also kept me sleepy.  Today I am determined to stay awake, ween myself off all the meds and get moving so this soreness goes away.


The surgery was not really what I expected it to be.  When I woke up, I was not in terrible pain other than my chest and shoulders being full of gas.  My mouth was painfully dry and I was shocked to find that I could not drink for 24 hours!!!!  The day after surgery I had an upper GI to find out if I had any leaks and I DONT!!!!  Yay!  So finally got to drink. 


STATS for today - DOWN 3.5 pounds!!!  Wooooohoooo!!!


Until next time...xoxo

Cold feet...

Going to the hospital in just a few short hours and I am a nervous wreck!  I don't think I have ever been this nervous about anything, seriously!  No more time to plan, to worry, to prepare.....all that is left to do is the surgery.  Praying all goes well and that when I wake up from surgery tomorrow I can begin an amazing journey to finding my new "me". 


Will update as soon as I am able!


xoxo

A Gastric Sleeve plushie.....who knew???

T minus 1 day....

T minus 1 day!!!!

Tomorrow is my surgery……I am as hesitant as I am ready.  I have always been fearful of the unknown, and in this case I am terrified!  I have known I am having this surgery for months now and yet I sit here today completely unprepared mentally for what is to come.  I feel as if I have to spend these last few hours devouring every morsel of food I will be missing after my surgery.  I feel as if I have to get my house completely clean, I have to go to the store and stock up on all the things I will need and should have bought last week.  To say I feel overwhelmed is an understatement.  

All that being said, I am excited about this journey.  I do wish I had a time travel machine that would blast me forward two months but that’s not going to happen!  I cant wait to lose this fat suit, to live the life I want to live, to be active, to be able to see my toes, to be able to wear normal clothes, to be able to walk without feeling like I may pass out….I am so ready to just be healthy.  Oh and pretty…..

Until next time!

Totally.....

On your mark...get set.....

Well, here goes nothing! I have been meaning to start this blog weeks ago and well…you know….So, no more procrastinating! A little history about me, I am 39 years old and have been overweight most of my life. I am not sure if my weight led to my infertility problems or my infertility problems fueled my weight gain but I have suffered with both all my adult life. In 2007, I finally gave birth to a beautiful little girl who means everything to me. She is the absolute light of my life! Since she was born, my weight gain has kicked into full gear and I am currently, I am a whopping 265 pounds….I almost don’t want to post that because I feel ashamed. I honestly don’t think of myself as being that big….until I see myself in photos…I am always taken back by that.

Anyways, I made the decision to have the gastric sleeve, I feel like that is the best option for me at this point in my life. So far I have had the EGD procedure which found that I have a hiatal hernia that needs repair on the same day as my surgery, I have had the counseling and I have met a few cool people who have shared their stories with me. I have (as I am sure you have if you are having this surgery) poured over every written word on the internet about Gastric Sleeve, watched every youtube video…and, well, I am ready!

I am excited, thrilled, inspired, nervous, scared…..just a big ol’ ball of emotions, I am ready to get the show on the road……

Until next time..xoxo