Another Day...

Haven't posted in couple of days...haven't had anything nice to say.  Im in a rut, a state of regret.  I wish I had not done this surgery.  There, I said it.  I regret it.  I know this is a part of the process and in 2 weeks I will feel completely different but today, right now.....I regret it.  I cant find my footing.  It is hard for me to look ahead when I am so unhappy with today.  I still have 2 weeks left on my liquid diet and I just cant imagine that.  I feel bitter.  I know one day I will eat again, but today I wont.  Today I will blend the hell out of some type of food or soup and water it down until it is unrecognizable and tastes like puke...tomorrow I will do the same thing...and the day after.  Very difficult.  I only write this in case some of you are thinking about this surgery....this is what you have to think about.  Making it through 3 weeks of hell.  I guess this is the price I have to pay for abusing food for so many years...and my anger at this situation proves how strong my addiction is.  I only carry on because there is not another option.  If I could have my stomach reattached I would have 5 days ago.  THAT is exactly why I chose this surgery.  It is completely irreversible and permanent.  You are forced to deal with it.  That's the only way I can be successful, by force.  So I go on another day.....sipping away.....being consumed by thoughts of foods I cannot eat....


Guess I just have to remind myself WHY I DID THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!